He is ours.

I think one of my least favorite things to hear during this fostering experience is “It’ll be different with your own.”
 
Well, maybe. But you only say that because you’ve never been in my shoes. And I don’t fully believe it’ll be that different because I treat baby K as if he is OURS.
 
But how dare you say it will be different with our own? How do you think K would feel if years down the road he knew people said that to us? Probably pretty heart broken and defeated. As if he wasn’t enough to deserve our love and care because he isn’t “ours” in the technical sense. 
 
What people don’t understand is he’s very much OURS. In every sense of the word. Just because I was not pregnant with him or didn’t give birth to him does not mean that I don’t love him the way I would love my own child. How would you know? You’ve never done this. You’ve never, ever been in this situation. 
 
I also raise the question of, is that what you say to parents who can ONLY adopt because they are not able to have children on their own? Oh it would be different if you could have your own.
 
No, of course you wouldn’t say that. So why do people think it’s appropriate to say that to us? 
 
We have a lot of “what if’s” in our situation. We are not guaranteed to be able to keep him permanently. But at the same token, it’s also not guaranteed that he will be given back to his parents. So we have to be prepared for the raising of this child as if he were always our and always will be. 
 
And on that note, I have to go tend to our babe 🙂
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First and foremost, I am not a traditional mommy.

I did not get pregnant. I did not waddle around for 9 months. I did not have a gender reveal party (yet… excited for the day I can actually do that!). I did not anxiously await the arrival of our precious bundle and plan his or her room and future. I didn’t sit and pick out names with my husband. I did not get to prepare. Which is the most important part to my story.

New mommies and daddies typically have a 9 month free period where they read, research, plan, prepare, get ready and eagerly await the day to become parents.

My husband and I did not get that. We were tossed in, head first, but by our own choice I will point out.

We are new foster parents.

It’s weird to even type that still because I can’t believe this is our life now.

So again I say, we are new foster parents, to my adorable and wonderful baby nephew. He is now 9 weeks old and we acquired him when he was a mere 4 weeks old!

Being a new parent is life changing in itself. Being a new parent to a child who isn’t yours and when you had no time to prepare is beyond life changing. It’s shaken us to our core. It’s challenged us in every way possible: our livelihood, our faith, our marriage, our way of living.

I wanted to write about this because writing is my therapy and I’ve been out of practice for a while. I hope that it helps me to sort out my feelings, our struggles, our enjoyment and our experiences during this very strange time our lives.

I hope that there are others out there dealing with something similar and can read my blog and know they aren’t alone.

Sometimes I think to myself… what are we doing? What did we get ourselves into? But then those moments where baby K is snuggled up on my chest and snoozing so peacefully, I’m quickly reminded of why we chose to take this on. Those moments are worth it.

He is worth it.

 

 

This is completely worth it.