He is ours.

I think one of my least favorite things to hear during this fostering experience is “It’ll be different with your own.”

 

Well, maybe. But you only say that because you’ve never been in my shoes. And I don’t fully believe it’ll be that different because I treat baby K as if he is OURS.

 

But how dare you say it will be different with our own? How do you think K would feel if years down the road he knew people said that to us? Probably pretty heart broken and defeated. As if he wasn’t enough to deserve our love and care because he isn’t “ours” in the technical sense. 

 

What people don’t understand is he’s very much OURS. In every sense of the word. Just because I was not pregnant with him or didn’t give birth to him does not mean that I don’t love him the way I would love my own child. How would you know? You’ve never done this. You’ve never, ever been in this situation. 

 

I also raise the question of, is that what you say to parents who can ONLY adopt because they are not able to have children on their own? Oh it would be different if you could have your own.

 

No, of course you wouldn’t say that. So why do people think it’s appropriate to say that to us? 

 

We have a lot of “what if’s” in our situation. We are not guaranteed to be able to keep him permanently. But at the same token, it’s also not guaranteed that he will be given back to his parents. So we have to be prepared for the raising of this child as if he were always our and always will be. 

 

And on that note, I have to go tend to our babe 🙂